Today's prompts ...
Here at Dodge Writes we prompt you with another finish this line... The rules are it must be the first line of your write with no changes, you may write yours in prose or any form of poetry.. Today's line is ... TWO DOLLAR PISTOLS BLAZING AWAY
Monday's Child #46 @ http://childrensverse.blogspot.com/ gives us this wonderful picture prompt...
Illustration by: Carmen L. Browne - 1917
Monday Memories - #17 @ http://memories-on-mondays.blogspot.com/ Josie is writing hers about 'Grandma's green thumb', and adds ' Maybe you can share a story of one of your grandparents or any relative that holds a special place in your heart.' We'll do just that !!
OSP @ http://onestoppoetry.com/ Has a new form by Luke Prater, An Octain ...
Structure:
eight lines as two tercets (three-line stanzas) and a couplet, eight syllables per line with the first line repeated (as much as possible) as the last. Meter is iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but fine to just count eight syllables per line for those who prefer that.
Rhyme scheme:
A-b-b
a-c/c-a
b-A
(A = repeated refrain line. ‘c/c’ refers to line five having midline (internal) rhyme, which is different to the a- and b-rhymes)
Please go to One Stop for more on Luke and his form, well worth it !!
SO OFF WE GO... OURS ARE...
Grandma's thumb was an evergreen
made of hours toiled in the sun
her guidance made growing stuff fun
Her strawberry and tangerine
were a juicy treat, oh so sweet
better than the finest cuisine
Her knowledge passed down to this one
now my thumb is an evergreen
now my thumb is an evergreen
AND...
Two dollar pistols blazing away
popping off caps, his usual play,
Cowboys and Indians with his friends
back yard play the fun never ends
But today he is playing with something new
Pail by his side and shovel too
the waters flow in pools dug by him
he looks for shells that might flow in
Squealing delight he curiously grabs
the new found joy in the small sand crabs
bubbles of air pop through the sand
he starts digging for them with his hands
Collecting them up in his colorful pail
with enthusiasm he can not curtail
hours of play in the warm sunshine
a lasting memory snapshots of time
Four in Two, how 'bout you ?
Our Mr Linky awaits, Hook up your link too please...
YOUR TURN
ENJOY
JL&B
Hey, now I found your Octaine too! Nice one. I had a grandma with a green thumb too. Like the evergreen play on words. Your second poem is good too. Really nice flow to it. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteI love the nostalgia of the octain... and funny that I was thinking of my grandmother for this write too... Pity my brain is like jelly today - no words.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to both, the first reminds me of my grandma and the second of my son. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYes I think this is a good octain. Your rhyme scheme is spot on. And while you made no attempt at iamb/anapest feet - your count was an exact eight in each line which I believe Luke said was fine. Certainly the lines gave a lovely image of a certain time and evoked a good deal of nostalgia. Well done. Gay
ReplyDeleteClever as even JL.
ReplyDeleteHow do you do it?
My well of inspiration is dry.
Your grandma reminds me of my dad, and my thumb has just started to turn green. Second stanza was my favorite. Great poem! :D
ReplyDeleteHi JL -
ReplyDeleteYou nailed the form, other than line two has only 7 syllables rather than the full 8. Perhaps you counted 'hours' as two? It's one of those tricky diphthong words where the vowel sound in the middle changes as you speak it so it appears have that extra syllable but in fact it doesn't (like 'beer'). I like your theme it made me feel a little nostalgic as I read the poem; effective variation of the refrain line to bring a sense of progression and closure also.
My favourite lines are your refrain and line two; the image of a thumb metaphorically made green from hours in the sun (toiling or not) is a wonderful one, as if almost it was a part of the garden itself. We say 'greenfingers' here in the UK.
Thanks for trying the Octain!
Cheers, Luke
I love them both, especially the first one. It reminds me of my grandma. Now I know where you got the green thumb. My mother had a green thumb but unfortunly I didn't inherit it..
ReplyDeleteSmiling! You definitely got your gardening skills from her. Love them both...
ReplyDeleteI love that last piece. So playful!
ReplyDeleteA lovely whimsy and so delightfully lyrical. Much enjoyed! ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteThe first one is so sweet and the second one so playful! Well done, you've had a busy day!
ReplyDeleteIT was wonderful. Glad I read.
ReplyDeleteoctain was great !! and so much full of nostalgia :)
ReplyDeleteFinally I am getting around to read and comment, and I loved these poems. My Grandma had the same gift of growing things - veggies and flowers, and I remember her gardens and window pots still. I loved your second poem just as much, it brought back memories of the rare beach visits in my life, one just last year, where I played in the sand and collected shells is a bright yellow pail! :-) Thank you for being such a loyal supporter of Monday Memories!
ReplyDelete~Josie Two Shoes~
Two Shoes In Texas
Monday Memories
Write A Letter Wednesday
Words In Motion
way too cool.
ReplyDeleteLove these! so much fun!
ReplyDelete