THE REQUEST
Love me not for the morning sun
touching the nights fallen dew
Love me not for the gifts of song
morning dove's sing for you
Love me not for the starry nights
their glitter shines in dreams
Love me not for the vast oceans
glaciers or mountain streams
Love me not for the air you breathe
freshness after the rain
Love me not for the tall trees shade
stillness to ease your pain
Love me as you would love yourself
and keep one thing in mind
The love you give returns again
for we are all entwined
Many thanks to http://onestoppoetry.com/
You inspire me in many ways !
YOUR TURN
ENJOY
JL&B
Oh, that's perfect!
ReplyDeleteVery nice. Well painted, if you see what I mean.
ReplyDeleteDang I keep getting distracted by the cat!! Lovely form Hun x
ReplyDeletewhoa! I had to read and reread this one just out of pure pleasure. love the religous overtones, that of the great maker talking, whether intentional or not on poet's part.
ReplyDeleteyou paint an awesomely beautiful picture and outside of rough meter
(simple fixes most as in the line "LOVE me as you would LOVE yourSELF" three stresses would be fixed with simple "LOVE me AS you'd LOVE yourSELF")
in some of the lines, a job well-done. I'm grateful you've put so much effort into my favorite form :)
I'd vowed not to crit in comments, but y'all, all who've put forth such effort, have given so much to work with :)
Monty / bummy
Love this one. You painted it beautifuly!
ReplyDelete